Gym Day

In one of our school books I've been writing tests for

I had to work on Saturday.  Our school had "Gym Day," which could only be compared to what we call "Field Day" back in the States, even though the differences were much greater than the similarities!

First thing in the morning, the other teachers and I hopped into large vans to be bussed over to a large gym at a local university.  I sat next to Martha, who's lived in Seoul for several years and loves to tell me funny little stories she's picked up along the way.

"Do you remember White's Day?  That holiday they have in Korea that comes right after Valentine's Day?" she asked.  I nodded.

"One year," she said, "I was at a Baskin Robbins right over here in this area, and I saw a poster on their window.  It was a picture of a black man in white-face.  His face was whited out with frosting, like a white cake face!  It said, 'Happy White's Day!' on it!  Can you imagine?"  We both laughed.  I wish she had gotten a picture of that!  There's a lot of things that go on in Korea that would never fly back home!

The second we walked into the giant gymnasium, a man in yellow on stilts with his face painted green approached me.  He looked like a shoddily put-together version of Jim Carey's "The Mask."  The children weren't there yet but he was obviously there to make balloon animals for them.  He was already in character when he handed me a small balloon creation that to me looked just like balls.  I assumed he was being a BIG sicko and was handing me a set of balloon testicles.  Now, it's one thing to be a sicko to me during every day life...but you're really crossing the line when I am in Kindergarten Teacher mode, and I don't appreciate it one bit.  A little angry, I shoved the balloon balls back towards his crotch, which was about eye-level, saying, "Hey I think these belong to you."  He took them back with a funny expression on his green face and blew up another balloon to look like a penis and held it up for me.  Then he put the balls in my hair.  Wait...was I getting molested by a giant creepy clown?

"I just got punked by the guy on stilts!" I told the other teachers.  "I'm traumatized for life!"

Later I was told by Elly that what he had made for me was supposed to be a little hair bow.  Oops.

I mean, what would you think this was supposed to be?

Yellow Stilts Man

As the other teachers began to put their class posters up on the walls where their classes would be sitting, I walked up on stage to get a feel for where I'd be at for pieces of the day.  This was to be my first time MC'ing not just for the students and teachers, who all know me, but also for the kids' families!  I wasn't nervous though.  Most of them don't speak English, so I was really up there to talk to my teacher friends.  I had a script to follow in perfect "Konglish," (Korean-ified English) and I was ready to make all the native speakers chuckle.

The gym, from my view on stage

The parents and families started showing up soon thereafter, and let me tell you:  I thought OUR kids were cute.  Then I saw their little baby brothers and sisters!!!  Most of them looked exactly like their older siblings, too...just miniaturized versions!  Adorable!  And the parents looked just like bigger versions of them!  It was so fun to see!

Andy's little sister

Michelle with her baby sister

Little cuddle bunny

Kim with Sean's little sister

Conked out by the end of the day

Look how light his hair is!

First I announced the "Opening Ceremony," where our principal Mr. Cho was "bringing great honor to our Happy Gym Day" by lighting a torch indoors.  There were 6 rather crappy looking mascots--men dressed in animal costumes--one of which was helping him light the fire.  They lit it off the stage, then carried it up towards me.  I hadn't realized that the bowl on a stand standing about 5 feet in front of me was going to be lit on fire, but, whatever, no big deal, right?  I mean, I'm not a huge fan of fire, but I could handle it.  They lit the big bowl.  

Suddenly, the bowl turned into a giant sparkler, shooting sparks about 6 feet into the air, some sparks flying towards my face!  It wasn't at all what I had expected to happen!  With the entire audience facing towards me, I managed somehow not to scream but I let out a huge gasp and covered my mouth, bending over surprised and totally shocked!  Then I grabbed my camera, which I had wisely placed directly in front of me on the podium.  I could see the teachers laughing at my reaction down below.

So far, so good...

WTF???

Once it died down a bit, I was able to pick my camera back up and resume shooting...

Next, Mr. Cho said something in Korean and POOF!!!  Giant streamer guns on either side of the gym popped huge streamers over the audience, making me jump several feet into the air.  In that moment, I realized that Gym Day might actually kill me.

After the opening ceremony was finished, I left the stage and joined the Red Team.  The school was divided into 2 teams; Red and Blue.  The classes were lined up in the center of the gym, with their teachers in front of them.  I awkwardly stood on the side.  Then the funny people in animal costumes led a "warm up."  Basically, everyone had to do funny little dance moves in pairs, following along with the mascots.  I paired up with Kylie.  We had to swing our hips side to side, hold hands, and bump butts.  It was pretty hilarious.

After that, they had all the kids go to the other side of the gym and race to the front.  They had a giant ribbon at the finish line that had "RAINBOW" printed all over it.  I wanted one for my bedroom!  Next, they made the teachers race the gym.  I hadn't expected there to be any events for the teachers!  "I'm not wearing the right bra for this," I moaned.  

I was surprised to discover that Gym Day actually involved the parents more than the actual kids!  Many of the funny little competitions were for the moms, dads, and even grandmothers!  The kids spent a lot of time (not) watching from the sidelines.  The parents raced each other while rolling a giant ball in pairs, and then the animal mascots hustled over the giant bounce-around obstacle course for them to race each other.  The dads' races got pretty intense!  They had to jump through holes in the bounce around, then climb up the little hill and jump over, and go through little loops to the finish line.  They were landing on top of each other.  I got some of it on video.  I think one dad almost broke his neck!

Giant obstacle course

So after seeing all this craziness occur...men landing on each other jumping through these obstacles, then they called us teachers to do the same thing!  I had already been imagining myself getting stuck in one of the first little holes, just like Winnie the Pooh, and I wasn't about to let that go down!  Plus, I like having my neck NOT broken.  I like having ALL my bones not broken.  So, I took advantage of the fact I didn't have my own class and no parents urging me forward, and I held the other teachers' cameras and snapped pictures with them the whole time, as though it had been my job to do so.  Even though they had hired professional photographers.  I dodged another bullet!

Soon came lunch time.  The parents had brought in lunch to share with their classes.  Each teacher sat down on mats with his or her class and ate whatever the parents brought.  I had brought my own lunch since I have so many dietary restrictions, but before I had a chance to retrieve it, Elly invited me to sit with the Beaver class.  I was glad, though, because I had sort of awkwardly been lingering around, classless.  I sat down with them and they gave me rice, which I accepted, and a bunch of meat, which I politely declined.  I ate kimchi with my rice and munched on some delicious watermelon, which had just recently hit the markets.  

Eating lunch with the Beaver class, Korean-style

After lunch I needed to use the bathroom.  "Have you seen the bathrooms yet?" Kim asked me.  I shook my head.  "They're squatters."

I knew that eventually I was going to be forced to use a squatter.  I'd seen them around but so far been able to avoid them.  Not today.  It was my only choice and I was stuck there for several more hours!  Luckily, it wasn't as bad as you might think.  I just propped myself up against the back wall and went for it!

A "Squatter"

After lunch were more games.  There were so many games for the parents I kept wondering when the kids would get to play!  And nobody seemed to think this was weird except for us foreign teachers.  But, everyone was obviously having fun.  And the best part of it all?  I survived!!!

Kids attacking a mascot