You Can't Have Rainbows Without Rain

I

(Red)

My balls are in a vice grip--I have to drink on Friday.  I don't have a choice.  I'm in a position where they "may or may not decide to keep me" next month, and I want to stay.  I need to impress my principal, and there's another faculty dinner coming up.  I'm not turning down a single shot.

It's not that I couldn't easily find another job out here...I could.  But that would mean moving.  It would mean going through the stress of learning a new job.  It would possibly mean starting my year in Seoul all over again--meaning several more months away from my baby niece, my family, and my friends.

It would mean I wouldn't finish at the same time as my best friend, Kim.  I want to be on the same flight as her to Australia when we're finished in Seoul.  I want to be able to watch episodes of Big Brother and Keeping Up With the Kardashians after school every day.  Preferably with my good friend I've made.

No, losing this job would ruin my life!  I'm sure women have had to do worse than just drink to keep a job.  And believe me, the thought of it has crossed my mind.  I probably wouldn't be opposed to it at this point.

I just have no idea what else I can do to "improve."  I've done all I could.  I'm campaigning hard to stay, like I'm in the Big Brother house.  Today I went to the "Head of Household" with my desperate plea.

"Julia," I said.  "I just want you to know that I really like it here at our school.  I am very happy here.  I will do anything it takes to stay."  I had tears in my eyes.

"Really?" she asked me incredulously.  She touched my hands from where she was sitting across from me at a table in the large meeting room.  "Hopefully next month, I can give you good news."

It was a wishy-washy answer, but at least she knows how I feel.  At least if they decide to fire me, she'll feel pretty darn bad about it.

I think.

II

(Orange)

Sometimes I wish that I was just a little bit more insane than I already am.  I think of how much fun it would be to be crazy enough to say things out loud to people that in reality I wouldn't ever dare to!  Oh, the possibilities...

III

(Yellow)

Right now I have gold fingers and toes.  I like to get pedicures and manicures here.  It's becoming a ritual, and I like it!  I've also bought myself jewelry a couple of times.  Nothing too expensive, but I do like real silver.  And gold.  Sparkly things are nice.  And, it feels good to be an independent woman ("the rock I'm rocking--I bought it!").

Last weekend, I went with Kim to Myeong-dong to get our feet nibbled on by little fish.  We paid $10 and stuck our feet into the little pool of minnows.

"It feels like my feet are in Coke!" I giggled.  It was tickling a lot.  The fish weren't attacking us like crazy though, like we had expected them to.

"Maybe our feet just aren't that bad," we speculated.

Two days later when I was getting my feet scrubbed with Meredith in Itaewon (life is good!), we asked the ladies scrubbing us if the fish at the feet fish place were dirty and could pass diseases.

"No," she explained.  "They are there only to clean.  They take off the fungus of the feet."

"Not the dead skin?"  No wonder our feet didn't feel much different.

"No, they are just there to clean the feet," she told us.  I guess it was a good thing they hadn't seemed that hungry for us!

I'm obsessed with my gold fingers and toes...but can't wait to switch it up again!

What's wrong with a little bling bling?

Opal bracelet (I'm only posting pictures of this because friends said they required proof I actually bought myself jewelry)

IV

(Green)

I fantasize all the time about coming home once my year's up.  After taking a month's vacation in Australia with my friend Kim, I'll fly back to Knoxville.  First I'll go see my therapist and finally get about a year's worth of drama off of my chest.  Then I'll stop by South College and see my favorite professors there.  I want bear hugs.

Then I'll see all my Knoxville friends.  I'll have a "Girl, OMG" fest with Megan and tell her all the things about Korea I never wrote about in my blog.  We'll watch reality TV shows and laugh, and gossip about celebrities.  I'll go out for Mexican food with my friend April, and see her son, who's surely grown about a foot since I left.  I'll say, "My, how you've grown!" just like an old grandma.

After visiting everyone, I'll scoop up my gay traveling companion, Caleb, and we'll hop in a car and drive around the country visiting my family and random friends (whoever will put us up for a night or two).  I'd like to go places I've never been before and see people I haven't seen in a long time!  We'll drive for hours, entertaining ourselves by doing our ridiculously talented imitations of The Notorious B.I.G. and Khia.  I'll see my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, Noodle Pop, my cousins and their babies, and maybe some friends from college...I can't wait!  I'll tell everyone all the juicy stuff I'm not quite crazy enough to put into print.

V

(Blue)

It hasn't stopped raining in months.  The rainy season is supposed to last for all of June and maybe the beginning of July.  But it's already well into August and it still hasn't ended.  We are to be denied a summer altogether, for soon it will be fall!  It's been kind of rough on me.  The main reason I don't still live in Portland, OR is because of the winters.  I am prone to seasonal depression and it doesn't do me any good to go several months without sunshine.  But it seems so out of place to have this sense of lethargy--however slight--in the summer!  It's funny...last winter for the first time in many years, I didn't feel like the Earth had stopped rotating on its axis. I'm sure it was because I had changed my diet and was healthier.  But I am now discovering that I am not totally immune to seasonal depression...

VI

(Purple)

Purple is Red mixed with Blue.  It's how I'll be feeling on Saturday.

But I've already heard from a reliable source that my conversation with the vice principal may have improved my situation...