BOOM! Done.

Usually when the bright orange, vibrant red, and neon yellow leaves begin really falling off the trees, I get pretty sad knowing that I am facing several cold and colorless months.  But not this year.

This year, the only thing standing between me and being back in Knoxville with my friends is one more Korean winter.  I'm to the point where I've made an actual plan (to attend UTK this summer and get my ESL endorsement on my teaching license), and I'm now fantasizing about what kind of car I'll buy when I get back, which cell phone company I'll go with, and where I'll look for an apartment.  I'm thinking about the things that will be the same, and the many ways in which I'll be different.  I'm fantasizing about how I'll get on all my friends' nerves with my constant, "Well...this one time, in Korea..."  I can't wait.  After getting my ESL endorsement, I will search for a job as an ESL teacher in the States.  That's my new dream...to teach English to foreigners in America, as opposed to living as a foreigner myself.

It's funny, actually...a few weeks ago I had my therapist hypnotize me to get more motivated to follow my dream to be a writer.  I was worried about applying to all the schools to get my MFA, which I wanted to do...it's a lot of applying to do and I already work a lot at my job.  I would have to write a 25 page, incredible story by New Year's to even stand a chance of getting into a school.  She had me imagine my dream during the hypnosis session, and what I had to do to achieve it.

Then the next week I was in Arizona and I suddenly came to the realization that applying to writing school was not what I wanted to do this year.  I realized that becoming a writer should be achieved later, and that right now, what I really want is to focus on being independent back in the States.  My dream is to be an ESL teacher in my home country.  I want to be working and living in Knoxville, at least for as long as possible.  So, I will go home, start subbing or doing something along those lines, go to school, and then (hopefully) get a job in the US as an ESL teacher.  I can always be a writer anytime I want.

Often, I've found these hypnosis sessions have worked...just not in the way I expected them to.

So, this is what's going to happen.  I'll fly on March second to Tucson, AZ, where my parents will be in their new awesome house (which they're moving into literally as I write this).  The first thing I'll do when I walk in the door is collapse emotionally onto the hardwood floor in the entryway, when my dog comes running up to greet me.  I'll hug her, sobbing, for probably about thirty whole minutes.  I haven't seen her in two entire years now, and I've had at least one nightmare where she's died before I ever got to come home.  Next, I'll buy a car, and Chad is flying out to drive it back to Tennessee with me.  Of course, I'll be making a few pit-stops along the way...so far on my list is Iowa City, St. Louis, and Cleveland...(anyone else who wants on that list, holla!  The people in those cities know who they are and they don't have a choice...I'm coming.)  I should reach Knoxville before my friend's wedding in April.

I can imagine Tucson because I was just there a few weeks ago.  It's real--I recently touched it.  But the rest of the country is like a picture I saw somewhere in a book once.  I know abstractly that it exists, but my subconscious is not convinced that it's actually tangible.  Is Knoxville really still there?  It's a fact that an image burnt into the wrinkles of your brain isn't actually real beyond just being a memory.  Just like how you have to explain to children that nightmares and movies aren't real, and that the people in the television can't hear you when you talk to them.

What's funny is that I know for a fact that about a week after I'm gone from Korea, Seoul will seem the same way.  It will cease to exist in reality.  The experiences in my head will stay, but the country itself will completely disappear off the face of the earth.

Right now I am just trucking on through my remaining time here.  November flew by.  December will, too.  My kindergarten class is speaking loads of English now, and Min and I feel amazing for it.  I'll always remember this as my first real year of teaching...and Oak Class as my first-ever class.  Right now, we're practicing for our Christmas Carol Concert, which we will perform in front of all the moms.  In other words, we're practicing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer constantly.  You'd think that I might get sick of it...but I won't.  Because every time I hear it, I think about my trip to Hawaii getting closer and closer.

YES!!!  RUDOLPH THE RED-F***ING-NOSED REINDEER!!!  SING IT!  SING IT!!!  OMG THE LEAVES ARE FALLING OFF THE TREES AND IT'S GETTING BUTT-F***ING COLD OUTSIDE, YAY!!!  KOREAN SANTA CLAUS IS COMING SOON!!!  SING IT!!!  YES, LET'S CUT OUT SOME ANTLERS FROM FELT AND PUT RED FACE PAINT ON THESE CHILDREN'S NOSES!  I'm loving every second of this.  Christmas!!  BRING IT ON!!!  Like, seriously...I've never been more psyched to see little snowman crafts and candy cane stickers...including when I was six years old and still believed in Santa, and he was bringing me Rainbow Brite dolls.

It really is amazing, though...when I got my class back in March, they didn't speak any English whatsoever.  I literally started with teaching them the letter "A" and giving them chunks of frozen aloe to taste, and taught them one letter and phrase a week.  I read them books and they had no idea what the heck they were about, and they couldn't understand a word I was saying to them.  But, I read them anyways, like a parent does to their infant who doesn't understand the words.  Now I can talk to them almost as normally as I would native English-speaking kids.  What some of them don't understand, the exceptionally clever ones can translate for them, or I can explain it using other English words.

For example, I'm reading a book:

"Ms. Anne!  What is dream?"

"It is thinking...when you are sleeping."

(Face lights up in realization) "Oh!"

In the beginning, that just wasn't possible.  Now, these little kids are reading.  It's absolutely amazing.  They're saying, "I am..." instead of "Me is..." and they're learning how to say "a lot" instead of "many" when it's appropriate (like when being served water or kimchi).  They're even taking their very first spelling test tomorrow!  My little babies!!!

Today at lunch, one of my kids asked, "Ms. Anne--your old is what?"

"How old are you?" I corrected him.

"How old are you?" he asked again.

"I am thirty-two!"

"My mom is thirty-nine!" he replied.  Then he asked me how old my mom is.

When I told him, he looked surprised that my mom wasn't the same age as his mom.  "My mom is a grandmother!" I said.  The rest of the class was listening by then.

"Your mom is your grandmother?" one of the girls asked.

"No--she is my mom! But, my brother has two babies, and she is their grandmother!"

This utterly and completely blew their minds.  I watched as their brains basically exploded.  So, I drew a picture.

The question marks came when one child asked me, "Ms. Anne has baby?" I said, "No, because, look!" (I draw a question mark where my husband would be) "No husband! (we all laugh) But maybe--I will have four babies!" (I draw four question mark babies.  One kid says, "But that's too many!" So, I erase a couple.  ;)

I start with my mom and dad at the top.  "See--this is my mommy and daddy!"  I label them, since they can read now (SQUEE!).  Then, mommy and daddy had two babies!  Ms. Anne..."

"You are a baby???"  someone shouts and laughs.

"No!" I laugh.  "But, I was a baby!"  I'm so happy they understand present vs. future tense.

More laughter and disbelief from the children.

They also had another baby--my brother, Steve.  I draw lines to connect, and draw our faces.

Then I make my surprised face.  "And, then...my brother got married!  He has a wife!"  Min translates "wife" and I draw Krystal on the board and label her.  "Her name is Krystal!"

"And then....what happened?" I ask the class as I draw the lines going down from Steve and Krystal.

"They had babies!" the class shouts excitedly.

"Yes!" I exclaimed.  "One is Sage...she is a girl...(I draw her) and one is Emerson!  SO small!  He is a boy!" (I draw him too...more laughing)

"So...look at that!"  "Sage and Emerson...and this is their mommy?" I point to my mom.

"No!!!" the class shouts.  "She is grandmother!"

"What about me?" I point to my face, then to my mom's.  "She is my grandmother?"

"No!  She is mommy!"

BOOM!  Done.