Mail-Order Teacher: I'm a Tulip in a Cup

Trying to remember what it's like to be hot and humid outside when I'm bundled up and dodging ice patches in 3 degree Fahrenheit weather is like trying to remember the tune to a song when another one is playing. Literally a week ago I was in Hawaii wearing flip flops. Now I'm back in Seoul, it's January, it's at frostbite status, and it's like no other weather ever existed.

In Hawaii, however, I couldn't imagine what it would feel like to need to wear a coat. I quite liked it that way, too. Also, Hawaii meant I could spend time with my niece and nephew, parents, brother, sister in law, and swim with the pretty little fishies and gentle sea turtles.

You're probably thinking there should be more to this story of Hawaii. But there's not. That's really all I wanted, and therefore that was my entire experience. Completely blissful.

And anyways, I've checked out. I'm delirious at the end of a marathon I never trained for, but am determined to complete anyways.

I'm on a road trip with Chad. We're in my new car, listening to Garbage and No Doubt, driving towards St. Louis, where I can introduce him to my brother's family.

Now we're on our way to my cousin Caroline's in Iowa. She's going to introduce me to her 2 year old, who I've never met, as soon as I stop crying. Chad's had to go ring the doorbell and tell Caroline to come out to the car and give me a hug so I'll stop already! Her baby's going to think something is terribly wrong if she sees me like this!

Same thing happens at cousin Emily's in Ohio. The only problem is, her daughter Elie runs out first to greet me, and just the sight of her causes me to cry uncontrollably. I'm a complete wreck. I have sudden, random flashbacks to the face of Mr. Kim (formerly known as "Mr. Cho") as he hands me a shot of liquor, seeing the Grand Palace in Bangkok, drunk Santas staggering down my old dirty street, and the bars on my bedroom window in Itaewon as I hug my little cousin.

Then I'm back in Tennessee. It's the finish line...the goal. Every trip, every weekend, every single day I've had for the past half of a year...they've all just been mere hurdles in this marathon I'm running. Literally I haven't been even slightly distraught to have Monday roll around for several months...I think, "GREAT. Let's DO this! Git 'er done!" Literally. Like right now I'm literally thinking..."Wow...tomorrow's already Monday again!" Even my last two vacations were mostly just seen as big landmarks on my road to Tennessee.

I did learn something extremely important though, on my trips to Arizona and Hawaii. All those chain stores...all those ones people think take away America's charm...well, they have it all wrong. As I sat in the back of the van, wearing a lei, enjoying the ride through my third tropical destination of 2012, looking at volcanic mountains, palm trees, turquoise ocean...it was only when Old Navy, Lowe's, and Office Max also rolled by that I was suddenly enveloped in a feeling of warm familiarity. I wasn't in just any tropical destination...I was in America. No matter where you go in America, you can go to the mall and see a Spencer's and a Lane Bryant...and that IS the charm. That's America...that's charming. I can't help now but completely embrace it.

Wow! It's tropical--and it's America! What a terrific combo!

Another big piece of America's charm is, of course, the people. And by "the people," I of course mean the people on American reality TV shows. As I sat in my cute hotel room in Honolulu on my last few days in Hawaii, watching condom and prescription drug commercials on TV, I took notes of shows to download upon my return to Seoul. Snooki and Jwoww, mmmhmmm....Moonshiners, okay...Buckwild...noted. Cheer Perfection? Ooo! American psycho immature gossipping moms! Sounds excellent! These shows are going to be key to getting me through my last two frigidly cold months in Asia. I'm more than proud to be from the country that produce such amazing, quality programs. No other country in the world has near the same quality of hilariously insane people on television as we do, and that's the Gospel truth! You don't think my South African friends download and watch "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" and wish they could visit the magical place that brings them such joyful entertainment? You don't think they long to try things like spray cheese and fat-free butter? Well, they do.

I knew it was past time to leave Korea when my cousin Tiffany and her husband Kevin had a long layover in Seoul last fall and met up with me in Hongdae one Saturday night. She had never been to Seoul, so we walked around through the massive party-going crowds, just to see the sights.

She stopped, at one point. "Is that a man over there, making waffles under his disco ball?"

I had looked at the same man, seen the whole scenario, the people in line to buy their waffles, looked away, and kept walking without even thinking about the hilarious freakism of it all. That's when you know it's time to leave a place...when you stop appreciating its freakisms.

"Uh...yeah! It is!" I chuckled. She busted out her iPhone to take a picture.

Tiffany and Kevin also took advantage of the novelty of being able to buy cocktails right out on the street from a stand. We laughed as a skinny young Korean man in a suit and dark sunglasses (even though it was night), made his street cocktails by putting the liquids into a CapriSun-looking pouch and flicking it skillfully, yet ridiculously, to mix it all up.

Bartender on the street in Hongdae

But it's not just the loss of my ability to appreciate many of Korea's freakish scenarios that is making me feel ready to leave. The thing about Korea is this: I've done a whole lot of growing here...as much as I feel I could possibly do. Fiona Apple puts it best: "I'm a tulip in a cup--I stand no chance of growing up."

I've grown as much as I can grow here, and now it's time to get repotted. That's basically all there is to it. I suspect all the details will come out in the coming years...

P.S. America--See you soon! I'm ready to be within reach again...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJwWnkF-LRY (my song to Korea)